The Bingo Channel

A Native American tribe should start a cable network, The Bingo Channel.

Call a toll-free number and be assigned a Bingo card over the telephone. (Online would be nice too, but it’s hardly their target market.) If you’ve called before, they’ll have your credit-card information. Play along with the television for big-money prizes. If you play regularly, they’ll send you special Bingo Channel blank cards; really big players can get marker chips and so on for free, too.

Of course, the network is collecting demographic information on you. And if you stop playing, maybe you’ll get a call asking why.

“Hello, Mrs. Jones? It’s Bob Caring, from The Bingo Channel. I was looking at our records, and I noticed you hadn’t played in a while. Is everything all right? How’s your grandson, Billy? That’s wonderful! Good for you! Well, I guess I’ll let you go now; hope to see you playing again soon, too!”

Real human contact with elderly shut-ins to drive revenue.

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