I’ve been told by a reliable source — “Uncle Larry,” who ran King Pizza, the place I went as a kid, as relayed by my brother, who spent a lot more time there than I did — that the reason you can’t get good New York pizza anywhere other than NY is that the water is all wrong elsewhere.

Brewers have had, for decades or longer, a solution to this problem: If you want to make an IPA like the ones traditionally made at Burton-on-Trent, you burtonize the water by adding mineral salts to give the water the same character.

Someone, therefore, should put together a packet of mineral salts that can be added to distilled water, and thereby reproduce New York City water. This should be done in quantities accurate for NY pizza reproduction.